Chris

Have you ever suddenly realised a writing style of yours, and suddenly you can't un-notice it?  This has been bugging me recently.

Anyways.  One big feminist sticking point for me has been that I like a lot of things that could never be called feminist, and I don't want to give them up.  I like them.  I don't want to never see a show again due to my being a feminist.

The lovely thing is, that's not how feminism goes.  From my experience, most* feminist-folk don't say "You can't do $thing, that's not feminist enough!".  They mostly say, "Do as you like, but try to recognise when it's non-feminist."  Like shaving my legs.  I do not shave my legs just for myself.  I shave my legs because that's what's expected of women from society, and I have wicked rippin' anxiety that makes the cost of not shaving higher than I can usually pay.  It's not a feminist act, unless I feel some bizarre need to say "Taking care of my mental health is feminist"… except, where'd that anxiety come from?  Eh?

* 10% of any group is composed of assholes.  Feminism is a group.  Ergo…

I'm losing track.  Anyways.

I have, though, been turned off whole things before due to the poor treatment of women.  For example, I tried watching Star Trek: The Original Series from cover to cover, as my roommates have the whole series on DVD.  And while I do love me some Star Trek, I couldn't keep watching.  I have more experience with the books than with the show, and in the books, women have more character, more experience, more bloody usefulness as people.  I stopped watching in the middle of season 3.  The first to get me full of rage was The Empath, where the star alien was a beautiful mute emotional empath human-looking female.  I fast-forwarded over whole chunks of that episode, because argh, I could not stand it.  And then, right after, Elaan of Troyius.  A savage royal woman is being married to a member of the opposing side in order to stop a war.  She throws huge tantrums, but when Kirk wears her down, she falls apart, says she's worried she won't be liked, and then …"begins to treat him as a loving equal, obeying him when he asks her to go to sickbay (the safest part of the ship)" (source).

…what?  What?  WHAT??

I stopped watching ST:TOS entirely.  I'd been having problems before, but those two episodes, back-to-back, turned me off the show.  I still appreciate it for the forward-thinkingness it had for its time, but I just got goddamn sick and tired of watching women be thorough stereotypes nearly all the damn time.  As I said to my roommate, "I have better things to do than watch women be treated like crap some more."

Music has a way bigger hold on me.  I love to sing.  I sing in the shower, I sing at my computer, I sing when I'm in the middle of a conversation but hold on this part is really good… yeah.  I love it a leetl beet.  And so when I run into songs that are terrible from a feminist standpoint, often I'll let it slide, because that song is familiar and fun to sing to and… I don't want to give it up.  It's part of my nostalgia-things, and I don't want to have to give it up.

On the other hand, if I never ever hear a song that uses the phrase "like a child" to describe the (male) singer's (female) love interest, it will be too goddamn soon.  Minor examples:

* Steppin' Out – Joe Jackson
* Wild World – Cat Stevens
* She's Always A Woman – Billy Joel
* Wicked Garden – STP
* Walks Like A Lady – Steve Miller Band

The song that actually got me considering all this is I Can't Quit Her by Blood, Sweat & Tears.  I otherwise loved the song, but it kept making me itch.  After the third time it randomly came up and I skipped it, it occurred to me that I can give up things I love if they bother me enough.  I am not required to give things up, but it seems I will anyways, because argle bargle, aggravating.

Dear $item:

I… think we shouldn't see each other any more.  I'm really sorry.  It's not you, it's me – I've changed, as a person, and I don't think we have as much in common any more.  We're seeking different things from life.  I'll always love you, but it's time for me to move on.

Be well,

-X

I'm not going to root through my music collection and get rid of everything that's feministically terrible… but apparently, neither am I going to sit back and listen to it forever. Good to know.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.