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agonyauntMy Grandchildren Don’t Thank Me for Christmas Gifts. Is This a Moral Failure?
My grandchildren are in or nearing their teenage years. Two are from my son and his wife, and two are from my daughter and her husband. Of course, all children love and, to some extent, expect birthday and Christmas gifts. My daughter-in-law and her children continue a tradition of giving me handmade greeting cards every Christmas. They also always send me handwritten thank-you cards for the gifts I send. However, I receive no gifts from my other grandchildren, both boys, and never thank-you cards.
I mentioned this to my daughter, their mother, but there was no response. I suggested that each might give me a card promising 30 minutes of picking up sticks in my yard. I know that gifts should come from the heart with no sense of reciprocity, but the current situation bothers me. There seems to be a lack of moral character being demonstrated, as well as poor ethics and manners.
What do you think?
From the Therapist: You’ve framed your grandsons’ behavior as a case of bad manners or moral failure, but I hear a yearning underneath. No matter how much we tell ourselves that gifts aren’t about reciprocity, the reality is that they often hold emotional significance in which both parties are essentially asking to be recognized. The giver wants acknowledgment of their thoughtfulness and investment, while the receiver wants confirmation that they’ve been truly seen. Both are essentially asking, “Do I matter?”
When we don’t feel seen or appreciated, hurt feelings can disguise themselves as something else, like concern about good character or proper etiquette, because it’s easier to push pain outward than to say, “I feel unimportant to you.” But remember that children take cues from their parents, and I have a feeling that this lack of acknowledgment has more to do with your daughter than with her sons.
For instance, you mentioned that you got no response from her when you brought this up. But instead of telling her what her children should do for you, I’d be curious about why she doesn’t facilitate gift-giving or thank-you-note-writing. I say “she” because most teens don’t do this without some parental prodding, and I imagine that your daughter has her own feelings about your relationship that are being played out in the gifting dynamic.
Maybe gifting between you and her family feels empty or performative, when what she really wants is a different or more meaningful relationship with you. It could be that she perceives you as critical of both her and her sons, demanding of something that she doesn’t feel she or they owe you. She might also find your suggestion that the boys pick up sticks for you as a bit thoughtless: Would it make you happy to ask her children to do something that would feel more like a burdensome chore than something they would actually enjoy giving you?
Meanwhile, you say that your “daughter-in-law and her children” give you cards and write thank-you notes, but I noticed you don’t mention your son. It’s nice that your daughter-in-law has created traditions for her kids around gifting, but this doesn’t mean that her children have stronger characters than your daughter’s children do. It just means that the person your son married facilitates gifting and thanking — and that your son and your daughter don’t.
So what might help? First, separate your hurt feelings from judgments about character. You can feel unappreciated without that meaning that these boys are being raised poorly — or that this is primarily about them. Second, consider what you actually want. Do you want thank-you notes, or do you want to feel more connected to and valued by this branch of the family? If it’s the former, you could issue an ultimatum (no thank-you notes equals no gifts), but I don’t think forced statements of gratitude are what you really want. If you want genuine connection and appreciation, you can start by approaching your daughter with curiosity instead of complaints.
My grandchildren are in or nearing their teenage years. Two are from my son and his wife, and two are from my daughter and her husband. Of course, all children love and, to some extent, expect birthday and Christmas gifts. My daughter-in-law and her children continue a tradition of giving me handmade greeting cards every Christmas. They also always send me handwritten thank-you cards for the gifts I send. However, I receive no gifts from my other grandchildren, both boys, and never thank-you cards.
I mentioned this to my daughter, their mother, but there was no response. I suggested that each might give me a card promising 30 minutes of picking up sticks in my yard. I know that gifts should come from the heart with no sense of reciprocity, but the current situation bothers me. There seems to be a lack of moral character being demonstrated, as well as poor ethics and manners.
What do you think?
From the Therapist: You’ve framed your grandsons’ behavior as a case of bad manners or moral failure, but I hear a yearning underneath. No matter how much we tell ourselves that gifts aren’t about reciprocity, the reality is that they often hold emotional significance in which both parties are essentially asking to be recognized. The giver wants acknowledgment of their thoughtfulness and investment, while the receiver wants confirmation that they’ve been truly seen. Both are essentially asking, “Do I matter?”
When we don’t feel seen or appreciated, hurt feelings can disguise themselves as something else, like concern about good character or proper etiquette, because it’s easier to push pain outward than to say, “I feel unimportant to you.” But remember that children take cues from their parents, and I have a feeling that this lack of acknowledgment has more to do with your daughter than with her sons.
For instance, you mentioned that you got no response from her when you brought this up. But instead of telling her what her children should do for you, I’d be curious about why she doesn’t facilitate gift-giving or thank-you-note-writing. I say “she” because most teens don’t do this without some parental prodding, and I imagine that your daughter has her own feelings about your relationship that are being played out in the gifting dynamic.
Maybe gifting between you and her family feels empty or performative, when what she really wants is a different or more meaningful relationship with you. It could be that she perceives you as critical of both her and her sons, demanding of something that she doesn’t feel she or they owe you. She might also find your suggestion that the boys pick up sticks for you as a bit thoughtless: Would it make you happy to ask her children to do something that would feel more like a burdensome chore than something they would actually enjoy giving you?
Meanwhile, you say that your “daughter-in-law and her children” give you cards and write thank-you notes, but I noticed you don’t mention your son. It’s nice that your daughter-in-law has created traditions for her kids around gifting, but this doesn’t mean that her children have stronger characters than your daughter’s children do. It just means that the person your son married facilitates gifting and thanking — and that your son and your daughter don’t.
So what might help? First, separate your hurt feelings from judgments about character. You can feel unappreciated without that meaning that these boys are being raised poorly — or that this is primarily about them. Second, consider what you actually want. Do you want thank-you notes, or do you want to feel more connected to and valued by this branch of the family? If it’s the former, you could issue an ultimatum (no thank-you notes equals no gifts), but I don’t think forced statements of gratitude are what you really want. If you want genuine connection and appreciation, you can start by approaching your daughter with curiosity instead of complaints.
Unknown Worlds: Tales from Beyond edited by Stanley Schmidt
Jan. 8th, 2026 08:49 amjames_davis_nicoll
Another foray into the lost worlds of Unknown.
Unknown Worlds: Tales from Beyond edited by Stanley Schmidt
Why are post titles so hard?
Jan. 7th, 2026 08:36 pmmousme Maybe I will simply start using the day's date rather than coming up with titles each time.
1-State of the Phnee
I spotted an injured fox while out driving earlier today. I’m not an expert in wildlife by any means, but it looked very young, maybe less than a year old. It was crossing the road and limping badly, but it tried to hurry away when I approached. I didn’t think it would let me get near, but I did at least have to try. I hope that it was just a sprain and that it will be able to heal and not die during the hard winter months. It was a real bummer, but it fled across the fields and I don’t think there’s a reliable way for me to go back, locate, and trap it to bring it to a wildlife rehab centre, alas.
In other news, ADHD is a wild ride sometimes. Remember how I got myself some locking dumbbells so I could do weightlifting exercises at home? Yeah. So, it turns out I did not read the product description carefully enough when I bought the product, and the box only comes with ONE dumbbell in it, which makes for some pretty lopsided exercises in many instances (especially when I want to use them to assist with squats or lunges or whatever). Fine, easily fixed, they’re on sale, whatever. I also thought that they went up in 5lb increments, but no, they go up in 10lb increments, which is a LOT for a baby beginner like me. My current thought is that I’m going to try to find some 5lb wrist or ankle weights and “attach” them to the dumbbell whenever I need to go up by 5lbs, but I’m not sure how feasible that is.
I’m keeping all of my new-to-me equipment in my bedroom, which faithful readers will remember is on the small side (9 x 11 feet), to the point where I had to invest in a Murphy bed in order to save on space. Right now my itty-bitty home gym tucks away nicely under the bed, but I can’t get much more “extra” equipment without running out of floor space in which to actually perform the exercises I want to do. I did invest in a 20lb kettle bell as well (I have a 15lb one already) as well as a jump rope and a set of small resistance bands to complement the longer ones I have. The portable treadmill should be arriving in the next week or so as well, and I am very glad it stores upright and seems to be pretty compact.
I do need to take some time, maybe this weekend, to organize my room a bit more so I’ll have more space to move around. KK has loaned me her dresser for my clothes, but I’ve found I’m not really using it and it’s taking up lots of space that I could be using for other purposes. I didn’t use the dresser I had at the old house either, and KK’s is kind of busted so the drawers stick in a way that makes it really hard to use, so it’s an extra reason not to use it. I’m going to try to haul it to her storage unit this weekend and free up that space.
Unrelated to anything, I miss playing video games. Between work and the much longer commute and the responsibilities that go along with a new smallholding, I have managed to play for maybe 15-20 minutes a handful of times since we moved. I’d like to get back to Stardew Valley and Don’t Starve and Borderlands and all the other games I enjoy. I don’t foresee getting into new games anytime soon, but being able to just turn off my brain and get some free dopamine sounds really appealing these days.
2-State of the smallholding
I discovered a quailbreak when I checked on the quail last night. Sometime in the previous 24 hours two of the quail somehow got out of their hutch, probably when I was changing out their food/water/bedding and were sitting next to it huddled together for warmth, looking extremely out of sorts. I chucked them back inside and they seemed much happier to be back with their covey where the food and water and friendship is to be found. Because I suspected they might have been out there for about 24 hours, I was quite worried that the stress, cold, and dehydration might kill them, but I checked them a few times today and they appear to be hanging in there. I’ve had a lot of quail die in the past year, some of which was entirely my fault and some of which I assume is my fault but I can’t figure out what I did wrong, and I don’t know which feels worse, to be honest.
I’m really looking forward to the spring/summer, when I will be building some proper poultry housing for the quail as well as for future other poultry (chickens, ducks, maybe some other game birds because I like game birds). I am still researching different models and layouts in order to find one that I not only like but that seems like it won’t be too difficult to build as a beginner carpenter. Is it carpentry when you build an outbuilding? Or is it woodworking? I think it’s carpentry. Words are hard! I also want to build rabbit hutches and start down the road of breeding meat rabbits. Ideally, I’d like to get to the point where we are raising most of our own protein, moving away from beef and pork. In theory I could start growing Timothy hay (which is one of the main things you feed to rabbits) on part of the property, which could help to reduce feed costs, but I may be getting out over my skis with that one. All in due time, I guess.
I need to figure out how to hack my own brain between now and the springtime so I can get over my problems with task initiation, especially with larger projects that feel intimidating to me for any number of reasons. I have noticed that if a project seems really big or labour-intensive or involves using a tool with which I’m not familiar, it builds up into a Big Thing in my mind and I put off doing it. The problem, of course, is that setting up the things I want on the property is going to require a ton of very large, labour-intensive projects, almost all of which involve using new-to-me tools (everything from power tools to lawn mowers to snowblowers).
This is part of the reason I’ve started working out. I figure if I improve my cardiovascular fitness, my overall strength, endurance, balance and flexibility, then some of the work I want to do will at least feel physically less terrible. That will, I hope, remove one of the self-imposed barriers I have when it comes to getting shit done. I hate feeling hot and sweaty and struggling with heavy things (especially when I can feel my back *trying* to give out on me), and if I can train myself to better deal with the heavy things (I will be hot and sweaty in the summer regardless, but I want it to be because of the heat and not because my physical conditioning is shit). Losing weight will also likely help with that: if I have to haul around less of myself, then it stands to reason it should make things easier.
I’m hoping to leverage my very accommodating friends to help me with the psychological barrier of “OMG I have never used this piece of equipment and I am SKURRED!” In some cases, I will just have to find a ladder and get over myself, of course, but I am trying very hard to acknowledge where I get in my own way and try to accommodate the fact that I am apparently neurodivergent as all fuck and see how to remove barriers in the most effective way possible for now.
Speaking of projects I don’t want to do, I am going to do my best to find the aforementioned ladder to get over myself this weekend and work on continuing to organize the house. I mentioned doing that in my bedroom, and I think that will be my priority, but I also know that I feel better and am able to get more stuff done when I don’t constantly live in cluttered chaos. It doesn’t help that KK is constantly adding to the mess and clutter faster than I can clean and tidy up after the both of us, but I think if I push really hard I can make some progress on that front. The main reason I haven’t is what I mentioned above: the project feels too big and overwhelming (and I’m tired and I don’t wanna!) and is physically super uncomfortable because I’m constantly having to move and bend and twist in ways that range from unpleasant to painful. It’s so much easier to just stay in my room or find a chair and fiddle around with my cell phone, but that’s no way to build a life that feels rich and meaningful, you know? I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage it this weekend, but I am setting my intention to get started on that and maybe start picking up some momentum there. The cleaner it gets (I hope) the more motivated I will be to keep cleaning, and eventually I will have it tidy enough that I can hire someone to come in twice a month and help keep it clean and tidy.
I am also going to try once again to get the snow blower to work. Dylan showed me how to get it started during Un-Christmas, but even he couldn’t get it to keep running after it was started. I will have to consult YouTube to see if I can find some instructions or better yet a tutorial. We’ve had even more snowfall in the past 24 hours, and I would like to clear some pathways around the property so that I can get around more easily (I have compost that really needs to go in the bin, for instance).
3-State of the news
In today’s “Well, this is horrifying” news, an ICE agent was filmed straight-up murdering a woman today in Minneapolis by shooting her rep. This isn’t the first person they’ve murdered, of course, but it’s the first white woman, so it’s making headlines the way it never would for a person of colour. *sigh* I suppose in a way it’s “good” because this might (might?) be a catalyst for change, but I’m not holding my breath, here.
Seasonal flu is an absolute BEAR this season, with hospitals already overwhelmed and tapping into overflow space. It seems especially contagious and deadly, too, a strain of H3N2 which tends to be more virulent, from the very little reading I’ve done. I also wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a lot of HPAI hiding among all the Influenza A cases, since NO ONE APPEARS TO BE ACTIVELY TESTING FOR IT, JFC. /o\ Sorry for the all-caps, I am frustrated beyond all get out.
Oh, and the USA is still threatening to invade Greenland. No big deal, I guess. Fuck everything.
Maybe I should stop ending these posts with politics, it’s way too depressing. I’ll have to do a “feel-good” segment, like on the local news where they have the cute pet of the week or something. ;)
Catch you on the flip side, friends!
Bundle of Holding: The Painted Wastelands
Jan. 7th, 2026 05:26 pmjames_davis_nicoll
This all-new Painted Wastelands Bundle tours The Painted Wastelands, a prismatic pastel realm from Agamemnon Press for use with Old-School Essentials and other tabletop fantasy roleplaying games.
Bundle of Holding: The Painted Wastelands
Night of the Living Cat # 1, by Hawkman & Mecha-Roots
Jan. 7th, 2026 10:30 amrachelmanija
It's a zombie apocalypse, only instead of zombies, there's cats.
In a future in which 90% of the population owned a cat, a strange virus spreads. If you cuddle a cat, or a cat nuzzles you, you turn into a cat! It's a catastrophe! A catlamity! A nyandemic!
Not only are cats everywhere, but the cats are either instinctively trying to turn humans into cats, or they just want to be petted. Cue every zombie movie scene ever, but with cats. Cats scratch at the doors! Cats peer through the windows! Groups of cats ambush you in tunnels!
The characters are all very upset by this, because they love cats! And now there's cats everywhere, just begging to be skritched! And they can't skritch them! "We can't even squish their little toe beans!" The horror!
Needless to say, they would never ever harm a cat. In fact they feel bad when they're forced to spray cats with water to shoo them away.
I'm not sure how this can possibly be sustained for seven volumes, but on the other hand I could happily read seven volumes of it. The cat art is really fun and adorable. I would definitely do better in a zombie apocalypse than a cat apocalypse, because I would never be able to resist those cats.
Content notes: None, the cats are fine.
On the matter of new characters
Jan. 7th, 2026 09:34 amjames_davis_nicollMy other group is moving to CoC 3rd edition. That's the one the GM owns. It turns out between the group we own a vast assortment of CoC editions, generally speaking one edition per player, including an original from 1981.
My character, Daniel Soren, has some good stats (Strength, Constitution, Intelligence) and some terrible stats (Dex, Power, and Edu). Unfortunately, in 3E you get Intx5 and Edux15 skill points, so being smart doesn't make up for being a grade school dropout. He does have some decent skills, but very narrowly focused: he's a competent cabbie and a moderately successful pulp writer with ambitions to appear in Weird Tales.
Power governs sanity in CoC so I don't know how long he will last.
My character, Daniel Soren, has some good stats (Strength, Constitution, Intelligence) and some terrible stats (Dex, Power, and Edu). Unfortunately, in 3E you get Intx5 and Edux15 skill points, so being smart doesn't make up for being a grade school dropout. He does have some decent skills, but very narrowly focused: he's a competent cabbie and a moderately successful pulp writer with ambitions to appear in Weird Tales.
Power governs sanity in CoC so I don't know how long he will last.
Cool
Jan. 7th, 2026 08:59 amjames_davis_nicollastrafoxen on blusky created some visual aids showing Saturnian moon orbits.
They're all great but a detail in this one is worth mentioning.
The odd green squiggle to the right is a visual of Neptune's outer irregular moons, whose orbits around Neptune are large enough to be visible across the solar system. https://www.dreamwidth.org/comments/recent
They're all great but a detail in this one is worth mentioning.
The odd green squiggle to the right is a visual of Neptune's outer irregular moons, whose orbits around Neptune are large enough to be visible across the solar system. https://www.dreamwidth.org/comments/recent
Secrets Of The Silent Witch, volume 1 by Matsuri Isora (Translated by Alice Prowse)
Jan. 7th, 2026 08:50 amjames_davis_nicoll
A powerful but timid sorcerer is sent to guard a prince as he attends school.
Secrets Of The Silent Witch, volume 1 by Matsuri Isora (Translated by Alice Prowse)
PSA to US people
Jan. 7th, 2026 01:06 pmrydra_wongAs well as Venezuela, I think you might want to start phoning your representatives and screaming about how very much you do not think the US should invade and occupy Greenland.
I don't know how it's being reported on in the US, but it's looking extremely imminent over here:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/06/trump-greenland-control-us-military
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/jan/07/france-and-allies-discuss-possible-response-to-donald-trump-us-invasion-of-greenland
https://news.sky.com/story/trump-is-likely-gambling-he-could-get-away-with-greenland-grab-as-nato-needs-us-more-than-he-needs-it-13491116
I don't know how it's being reported on in the US, but it's looking extremely imminent over here:
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/06/trump-greenland-control-us-military
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/jan/07/france-and-allies-discuss-possible-response-to-donald-trump-us-invasion-of-greenland
https://news.sky.com/story/trump-is-likely-gambling-he-could-get-away-with-greenland-grab-as-nato-needs-us-more-than-he-needs-it-13491116
Updating on the treadmill
Jan. 6th, 2026 09:22 pmmousme 1- State of the Phnee
a. Work has been incredibly busy the last couple of days. I’m not entirely sure why, but I assume it’s something to do with everyone returning to work after the holiday, although it can’t be only that. It feels like everything I touch today requires me to send complicated updates and/or make a bunch of phone calls, all of which is very time consuming.
b. Work was so busy yesterday, in fact, that I didn’t have time to go get the available treadmill and do any walking, but I have rectified that today. I am in fact walking as I type this post (shh, I am totally working). The FitBod app for which I have a two-week trial gave me exercises that require heavier dumbbells than the ones I own (it seems to be ignoring the fact that I have resistance bands, so I shall have to play around with it to see If I can fix that), and I decided to get a set of modular ones that were on sale at the local Canadian Tire today. I am hoping to get in a workout when I get home from work tonight, even if it will be Fuck My Life O’Clock when I get there.
Bodies are ridiculous things, aren’t they? I was chatting with friends about this earlier today (okay, I was complaining).
Me: “I would like to improve my fitness.”
Body: “Sure thing! It will be incredibly painful, hot, and sweaty, and on the best days you will actively feel like you’re dying!”
Me: “Wait, what?”
Body: “The pain is good! Except for the pain that’s not.”
Me: “Which pain is good and which pain is bad?”
Body: “TRY IT AND FIND OUT, SUCKER!”
Alternately, it could just be that bodies like to freak out about whatever you’re doing. *frantically producing lactic acid* “I JUST FIXED THOSE MUSCLES YESTERDAY, ASSHOLE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?!?”
But overall I am pretty pleased with the humble beginnings of my strength and endurance training. It turns out that doing exercise really does help with mood and energy levels, curse it, although I haven’t had miraculous results by any means. I have noticed that I feel better after the shifts when I use the treadmill, and feel less tired behind the wheel when driving home, which is a very good thing.
The trick will be maintaining the practice long-term. I am not exactly known for my follow-through on these things. I’m posting in a group chat, so I’m hoping that will keep me accountable.
c. I have changed my mind about getting a new computer. The main problem right now is that my disc memory is low, so I am thinking of getting an external hard drive instead of a whole new computer and put off the computer part until maybe next November for Black Friday sales. I have a lot of files that I need to keep but am not actively using these days, so just putting that onto external storage should hopefully extend the life of the computer by a few months, and it’s considerably less expensive than a new computer, by a few orders of magnitude. Fingers crossed that I can get away with it!
2- State of the smallholding
a. There’s not much to report for this today. We’ve had quite a bit of snow, as I mentioned in a previous entry, so I need to do some shoveling to clear the front deck. KK bought us a little electric snow shovel which was super helpful, but the last time she used it she tripped our newly installed GFCI outlet and we haven’t been able to reset it. I am still actively trying not to be annoyed at how much stuff around the house she breaks and then just… leaves for me to deal with. A few months ago it was the kitchen sink, which she clogged and then tried to unclog with a plastic snake that she then got stuck in there and left for me to find. When I pointed it out she then broke the plastic snake off in the drain, and I had to call a plumber (and pay for it myself because she’s consistently broke). I had the GFCI outlet installed a few months ago and also paid for it entirely, and it’s all extremely irksome because it seems like she’s being awfully casual about my time, energy, and money. I don’t think it’s malicious, but goddamn.
3- State of the news
a. International news reports Maduro in court facing charges, to which he’s pled not guilty. Interestingly, China has opted NOT to respond with a show of military force, but with legal recourse, and honestly, I think it’s a move that may serve them well (even though I’m not a political science expert by a long shot). China has provided economic loans to dozens of countries that are contingent on that country’s government being able to fulfill its contractual obligations during its tenure, and also future governments’ ability to adhere to said contract. The USA swooping in and removing the government and then not stepping aside to allow the new democratically elected leader to take over makes all of that pretty moot for Venezuela, so it makes sense that China would withdraw its funding and send 10,000 lawyers to recoup their losses. I am going to be watching with interest to see how this plays out, because I have no doubt that China will be willing to throw military force behind their legal threats if push comes to shove, but if they don’t have to, why would they?
b. The big news in Ontario is that a court has ruled that Doug Ford needs to turn over his private cell phone records for review. Normally a Premier is entitled to privacy, you see, but Doug Ford decided to abuse that by not using his government-issued cell phone to conduct government business at all. His government is well-known for being corrupt as all get-out, and I guess he thought he could hide behind privacy laws in what seems to me like the most inept way possible. *snort* “I’ll use my personal phone instead of my government-issue one! They’ll never catch me this way!” Oh, Douglas. Anyway, part of me hopes that this blows all the corruption scandals wide open, and another part of me rather cynically thinks that this will slide off him like Teflon, as usual. I continue to be baffled by how rampant the corruption in that government is with seemingly no consequences. It’s like a more sanitized version of what’s been happening in the US: we’re all watching it happen, and yet we can’t figure out how to make it stop.
Okay, that’s all I have for today. Catch you on the flip side, friends!
Yaybahar III Nadiri [music]
Jan. 6th, 2026 07:27 pmsiderea2026 Jan 6: Görkem Şen (Yaybahar on YT): Yaybahar III Nadiri
The description text:
Artist's website: https://www.gorkemsen.com/
The description text:
The essence of gold was rare, he conquered with his virtue, offered his gifts and fell behind the sun...I am surmising that "Nadiri" means "Of Nadir". Yaybahar is the instrument, the artist is its inventor:
Dedicated to the soul of my dear friend's father, Nadir Oğuz...
The name yaybahar (pronounced /jajba'har/) has Turkish origin. It is a composite of two words: yay means a "string" or a "coiled string" and bahar means the season "spring." According to Gorkem Sen, the name is derived from the idea of a new life or a new beginning. [1]I assume this is the third one of its kind the artist has made.
Artist's website: https://www.gorkemsen.com/
A Psalm for the Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers
Jan. 6th, 2026 10:57 amrachelmanija
Once upon a time, the moon Panga was industrial and capitalist and miserable. Then robots suddenly and inexplicably gained self-awareness. They chose to stop working, leave human habitation, and go into the wilderness. The humans not only didn't try to stop them, but this event somehow precipitated a huge political change. Half of Panga was left to the wilderness, and humans developed a kinder, ecologically friendly, sustainable way of life. But the robots were never seen again.
That's all backstory. When the book opens, Sibling Dex, a nonbinary monk, is dissatisfied with their life for reasons unclear to themself. They leave the monastery to become a traveling tea monk, which is a sort of counselor: you tell the monk your troubles, and the monk listens and fixes you a cup of tea. Dex's first day on the job is hilariously disastrous, but they get better and better, until they're very good at it... but still inexplicably dissatisfied. So they venture out into the wilderness, where they meet a robot, Mosscap - the first human-robot meeting in hundreds of years.
I had previously failed to get very far into The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet, so I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this novella. It's cozy in a good way, with plenty of atmosphere, a world that isn't quite perfect but is definitely one I'd like to live in, and some interesting philosophical exploration. My favorite part was actually Dex's life as a tea monk before they meet Mosscap - it's very relatable if you've ever been a counselor or therapist, from the horrible first day to the pleasure of familiar clients later on. I would absolutely go to a tea monk.
I would have liked Mosscap to be a bit more flawed - it's very lovable and has a lot of interesting things to say, but is pretty much always right. Mosscap is surprised and delighted by humanity, but I'm not sure Dex ever shakes up its worldview in a way it finds true but uncomfortable, which Mosscap repeatedly does to Dex. Maybe in the second novella, A Prayer for the Crown-Shy.
And while I'm on things which are implausibly neat/perfect, this is a puzzling backstory:
1) Robots gain self-awareness and leave.
2) ????
3)
Maybe we'll learn more about the ???? later.
But overall, I did quite like the novella. The parts where Dex is a tea monk, with the interactions with their clients and their life in their caravan, are very successfully cozy - an instant comfort read. And I liked the robot society and the religious orders, as well as a lot of the Mosscap/Dex relationship. I'll definitely read the sequel.
Ask a Manager: head of HR is waging a pressure campaign to make me adopt a puppy
Jan. 6th, 2026 12:59 pmsovayDoubtful as it may be under present conditions to find encouragement in anything of military origin unless it's the USS Princeton in 1844, about twenty-seven seconds into the two minutes' patriotism of Warship Week Appeal (1942) I cracked up.
Two hundred feet exactly of no-credits 35 mm, the object in question is a trailer produced for the Ministry of Information, essentially the same concept as the film tags of WWI: a micro-dose of propaganda appended to a newsreel as part of a larger campaign, in this case a sort of public information skit in which it is supposed that Noël Coward on the Denham sets of In Which We Serve (1942) is approached by Leslie Howard, slouching characteristically on with his hands in his pockets and his scarf twisted carelessly label-out, anxious to discuss a problem of National Savings. "How do you think we can make an appeal so it won't quite seem like an appeal?" With limited screen time to realize their meta conceit, the two actor-directors get briskly down to explaining the mechanics of the scheme to the British public with the shot-reverse-shot patter of a double act on the halls, but the trailer has already dropped its most memorable moment ahead of all its instructions and slogans, even the brief time it rhymes. Diffident as one end of his spectrum of nerd heroes, Howard apologizes for the interruption, excuses it with its relevance to naval business, and trails off with the usual form of words, "I'm sure you won't mind—" to which Coward responds smoothly, "I'm delighted to see you. And I know perfectly well—as we rehearsed it so carefully—that you've come to interview me about Warships Week." He doesn't even bother to hold for a laugh as Leslie snorts around his unlit cigarette. It doesn't all feel like a bit. The interjection may or may not have been scripted, but Coward's delivery is lethally demure and his scene partner's reaction looks genuine; for one, it's much less well-timed or dignified than the smile he uses to support a later, slightly obligatory joke about the income tax, which makes it that much more endearing. It's funny to me for a slant, secondhand reason, too, that has nothing to do with the long friendship between the two men or further proof of Noël's deadpan for the ages: a dancer with whom my mother once worked had been part of the company of Howard's 1936 Hamlet and like all the other small parts, whenever her back was to the audience and the Hollywood star was stuck facing the footlights, she tried to corpse him. One night she finally succeeded. Consequently and disproportionately, watching him need the length of a cigarette-lighting to get his face back, I thought of her story which I hadn't in years and may have laughed harder than Leslie Howard deserved. If it's any consolation to him, the way his eyes close right up like a cat's is beautiful, middle-aged and underslept. It promotes the illusion that a real person might say a phrase like "in these grim days when we've got our backs to the wall" outside of an address to the nation.
Not much consolation to the MOI, Warship Week Appeal accomplishes its goal in that while it doesn't mention for posterity that a community would adopt the ship it funded, the general idea of the dearth of "ships—more ships and still more ships" and the communal need to pay down for them as efficiently as possible comes through emphatically. It's so much more straightforward, in fact, than I associate with either of its differently masked actors, I'd love to know who wrote it, but the only other information immediately available is that the "Ronnie" whom Coward is conferring with when Howard courteously butts in is Ronald Neame. Given the production dates of their respective pictures, it's not difficult to pretend that Howard just popped over from the next sound stage where he was still shooting The First of the Few (1942), although he is clearly in star rather than director mode because even if he's in working clothes, he is conspicuously minus his glasses. What can I tell you? I got it from the Imperial War Museum and for two minutes and thirteen seconds it cheered me up. Lots of things to look at these days could do much, much worse. This interview brought to you by my appealing backers at Patreon.
Two hundred feet exactly of no-credits 35 mm, the object in question is a trailer produced for the Ministry of Information, essentially the same concept as the film tags of WWI: a micro-dose of propaganda appended to a newsreel as part of a larger campaign, in this case a sort of public information skit in which it is supposed that Noël Coward on the Denham sets of In Which We Serve (1942) is approached by Leslie Howard, slouching characteristically on with his hands in his pockets and his scarf twisted carelessly label-out, anxious to discuss a problem of National Savings. "How do you think we can make an appeal so it won't quite seem like an appeal?" With limited screen time to realize their meta conceit, the two actor-directors get briskly down to explaining the mechanics of the scheme to the British public with the shot-reverse-shot patter of a double act on the halls, but the trailer has already dropped its most memorable moment ahead of all its instructions and slogans, even the brief time it rhymes. Diffident as one end of his spectrum of nerd heroes, Howard apologizes for the interruption, excuses it with its relevance to naval business, and trails off with the usual form of words, "I'm sure you won't mind—" to which Coward responds smoothly, "I'm delighted to see you. And I know perfectly well—as we rehearsed it so carefully—that you've come to interview me about Warships Week." He doesn't even bother to hold for a laugh as Leslie snorts around his unlit cigarette. It doesn't all feel like a bit. The interjection may or may not have been scripted, but Coward's delivery is lethally demure and his scene partner's reaction looks genuine; for one, it's much less well-timed or dignified than the smile he uses to support a later, slightly obligatory joke about the income tax, which makes it that much more endearing. It's funny to me for a slant, secondhand reason, too, that has nothing to do with the long friendship between the two men or further proof of Noël's deadpan for the ages: a dancer with whom my mother once worked had been part of the company of Howard's 1936 Hamlet and like all the other small parts, whenever her back was to the audience and the Hollywood star was stuck facing the footlights, she tried to corpse him. One night she finally succeeded. Consequently and disproportionately, watching him need the length of a cigarette-lighting to get his face back, I thought of her story which I hadn't in years and may have laughed harder than Leslie Howard deserved. If it's any consolation to him, the way his eyes close right up like a cat's is beautiful, middle-aged and underslept. It promotes the illusion that a real person might say a phrase like "in these grim days when we've got our backs to the wall" outside of an address to the nation.
Not much consolation to the MOI, Warship Week Appeal accomplishes its goal in that while it doesn't mention for posterity that a community would adopt the ship it funded, the general idea of the dearth of "ships—more ships and still more ships" and the communal need to pay down for them as efficiently as possible comes through emphatically. It's so much more straightforward, in fact, than I associate with either of its differently masked actors, I'd love to know who wrote it, but the only other information immediately available is that the "Ronnie" whom Coward is conferring with when Howard courteously butts in is Ronald Neame. Given the production dates of their respective pictures, it's not difficult to pretend that Howard just popped over from the next sound stage where he was still shooting The First of the Few (1942), although he is clearly in star rather than director mode because even if he's in working clothes, he is conspicuously minus his glasses. What can I tell you? I got it from the Imperial War Museum and for two minutes and thirteen seconds it cheered me up. Lots of things to look at these days could do much, much worse. This interview brought to you by my appealing backers at Patreon.
