Chris

This is a comment I made in mousme's post On Explaining Privilege.  I'm copying it here because I like it and want to save it.

For every one genuine good faith question about feminist-related stuff, I get:

* accusations that I'm overreacting (it's just a joke, it's just a word, you're such a feminazi, &c &c &c)
* people asking me basic fucking shit over and over as though I'm their personal goddamn feminist library and their fingers and brains are broken
* tone pissiness ("You were exasperated with me when I said that omg men get raped too as though you weren't aware – this has put me off feminism, I hope you're happy!" – god, I wish I were exaggerating)
* outright dismissal ("I can't trust your word on your experiences, because you're not objective enough.")

Not to mention my personal utter dislike of people asking me basic fucking questions that they could've looked up bloody anywhere.  I have never liked these regardless of the topic, because it shrieks to me that someone is expecting me to do the work for them.  "How many reported rapes have there been in the US?"  Google it.  Google it!  It's right there!

Q: Well, I'd argue better, except I don't know how many reported rapes there are in the US.
X: Argle, here.  Ten seconds in Google.

Also, I can't just, yknow, stop hearing stupid questions.  I get basic-ass questions at work (I do tech support), but if they truly drive me batty, I can quit my job, or take a vacation.  I can't quit being female in a sexist society.  So it's not like "X, you keep going to $place and you keep getting these questions, so stop going!".  If I wanted to stop getting feminist questions, I'd have to not talk about being a feminist.  If I wanted to stop being pissed off about sexism, I would have to never interact with another human being by any means, including any media and potentially clothing.

To wrap this up, every day I live in a society that is sexist as hell and doesn't… particularly care for women.  And I'm a woman.  It sucks rancid dog droppings that people don't understand and usually don't care to.  Further, they can get away with it, because society is set up to not have to give a shit about women.  (Which to me is what privilege is – the society-approved ability to not have to care about what a minority is going through.)  So I start out tired.

And then someone asks me, "Could you explain this 'feminism' thing to me?"

I am only human.  I try really hard to be as patient as I can, and to give the asker the benefit of the doubt.  But sometimes I would kind of, maybe, a little bit prefer that people shut the fuck up and do some goddamn reading up on the subject before they come to me and ask me to, on top of dealing with this woman-hating culture as a woman and a feminist, do some more work for them.

It's not a perfect analogy  – as one example, being female doesn't necessarily mean one is a feminist, whereas a PoC is a PoC (tautologically enough) – but it's certainly close enough to understand where PoC are coming from.

So while I might advise one to disengage from the internet if they're about to keel over from too-high blood pressure (I recommend this for just about anyone, and should do so myself more often), I can completely understand where PoC would get upset by yet more questions.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Things that have made me sit up and take notes.

1. Spinster aunt eradicates male viewpoint at I Blame The Patriarchy:
   

   Hear me, O afflicted dudes: If you truly do "get" feminism, you know that, like all oppressed classes, women, as a matter of survival, are intimate to the point of exhaustion with the drives, appetites, illnesses, angsts, yearnings, hopes, dreams, great works, and bodily functions of the oppressor. We grasp these things utterly and without omission because we do not live in a cave; they are the default subjects of all art, literature, music, science, film, blogs, dinner conversation, science fiction, advertising, journalism, legislation, TV, the Internet, religion, technology, sport, and miscellaneous culture both low and high. The minute some dude tells me something I don't already know about dudeliness, I'll eat a bonobo.

2. the_red_shoes reviews Dollhouse – be sure to read the comments.  I didn't much want to watch it even before I read reviews.
3. Why sleep with a boy? Oh goodness, see the comments again.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

#1: Jessica Lenahan

At Feministing, Ann writes about Jessica Lenahan and Castle Rock v. Gonzalez. In essence, Lenahan had a restraining order against her estranged husband, Simon Gonzalez. He violated the restraining order, kidnapped their three young children, killed them, then… I don't know what was in his head, but he opened fire on the police station and was killed.

She took this as far as the Supreme Court, who told her that it's not Colorado law enforcement's job to enforce restraining orders, sorry. So she's taking this to the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights.

I wish her all the luck in this. And I wish we had something better than restraining orders.

#2: Shadayra Kilfoy-Flores

Via Livejournal, ginmar posts about Shadayra Kilfoy-Flores and her incompetent assistant DA. The things that are disgusting include (but are not limited to):

* The domestic violence itself.
* The plea bargain, that dropped the potential sentencing from over 11 years to 18 months.
* The fact that burglary has a larger sentence than "substantial battery".

Contact information for DA Brian Blanchard:

Dane County Courthouse Room 3000
215 S Hamilton St
Madison, WI 53703-3297
Tel / TTY: (608) 266-4211
Email: blanchard.brian@mail.da.state.wi.us

I'm composing an email now, and may post it once I'm done.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

naamah_darling at Livejournal writes:

In 1999, a woman in Florida attempting to give birth privately in her own home was taken into custody by a sheriff, restrained by force, and delivered to a hospital where, while in labor, she was forced to defend her decision. The hospital sought an emergency court order to force her to undergo a caesarian delivery, and they won. I didn't hear about it until recently, but I have to say, I'm fucking appalled.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Via bbbsg on LJ – If babies were all considered disabled:

Glossing over labor and delivery, let's consider what happens when you've got a baby. It can't walk! It can't eat food! It's disabled, poor thing. It needs special nutritional supplements that can only be prescribed by a doctor. It also needs a special device called a stroller which costs maybe five or ten thousand dollars. You'd apply through Medicare to get one. Maybe they won't approve one for use outside the home! There's stroller stores, especially online, but wow, would you buy a Bugaboo stroller that cost $5000 without getting to see it first and whether it would be good for your situation, or would fit in your car or whether you could lift it up? By the time your prescription for the "stroller" had been approved by doctors and you'd proved through several insurance company and social worker home visits that you indeed had a baby, and by the time the stroller arrived, your baby could walk. Oh, you could rent a basic stroller from a medical supply store for 10 bucks a day, but it would be MADE OF LEAD.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Today's awesome quote:

This guy reminds me of a certain type I've run into, the sort who think that they are "independent thinkers" and "dispassionately logical", holding themselves up as paragons of logic and reason. What this really means is, if you actually CARE about something, they count that as a point against you, because you're being "emotional", and thus couldn't possibly be right about anything.

He's got all the signs, like the Latin motto for his LJ, his title of "The Honorable Hammer of Courteous Debate", and of course, his arguments based solely on "balance" and "emotional reporting". This type always, I've noticed, blames victims. Always. They seem to have an instinct for siding with the powerful whenever there's a conflict, and always justifying this by noting that the people in power don't get all emotional about things.

- flewellyn

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Today's post that is filled with the awesome is over in LJ, by naamah_darling, wherein which she takes on abortion, responsibility, and the myth of the slutty-slut-slut who has drive-thru abortions every Tuesday.

Go ye forth and read!

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.