Chris

I realise already that this question sounds absurd, given the fact that we're new parents.

When do I get to sleep through the night again?

Context that makes this not absurd: I don't have to wake up for Kit-needs. Rose covers the overnight shift. Josh covers the time between R going to bed and me waking up (~2-3 hours). I sleep with my fan on; I can't hear screaming baby. (R tells me that there was an instance of colic-baby the other night. I heard nothing. Kit's room shares a wall with mine.) I can use the bathroom in the middle of the night, but more space in my abdomen means I don't have to.

I still wake up every 2 to 3 hours.

When do I get to sleep through the night again?

So, I got tired, and I tried to go to bed.  I was coughing continuously, so rosefox gave me two cough suppressant things.  That got me coughing infinitely more, I am still coughing a half hour later, and now I'm getting a bit itchy.  Plus I think I've missed the "tired + sleepy" window.

I am whining because argh, is why.

(a) No, I do not think I'm allergic to the cough suppressant things.

(b) No, I do not think I have accidentally pissed off a god somewhere.

A productive day today, and a productive day planned for tomorrow.  This despite having wicked staying-asleep issues, and more body-battles involving dairy and obstinacy.

...quick analogy reality-check: calling a headache a "migraine" == calling occasional sleep issues "insomnia", y/n?  I don't want to be all "I only got three hours of scattered sleep, this isn't uncommon for me, lol occasional insomnia!", while someone who hasn't slept in a week carefully plots my demise.

Now, instead of passing out on the couch, where I am already relaxed, I am going to get up, put things away, brush my teeth, set the coffee, and go to bed, because activity right before bed totally leads to sleepiness.  As long as it's not unapproved activity in bed, nossirree.

(Note to self: heart rate increase of ~12bpm.)

Originally posted on Dreamwidth.  Number of comments so far:

The bright side of only getting two hours of sleep, and so giving up on the whole deal and getting to work early:

I got my inbox down from 200 emails to 36, and I've plowed through a lot of back-work with the invoices.

Originally posted on Dreamwidth.  Number of comments so far:

Dear insomnia:

Hello to you too.

I'm wondering whether to take a sleeping pill now, as it's 4a and I don't have to be conscious until 11a at the latest, or what, exactly.

Maybe I'll go cut one in half.

I have been sleeping like pure-D crap this week, I swear.

I'm sure it's better for me to go back to bed soon, but mostly I want to eat mashed potatos and read crap on the internet.

Such problems I have, &c &c.

[eta] You remember that sort of insomnia montage, where part of it involves a leaky faucet and a pan?

Try a creaky apartment, or dripping something, or SOME damn thing, right outside the window.

Today's going to be spectacular.

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?
- Shantideva

I have things in my head again.  But I think instead of fretting about them, I am going to follow my own advice: put up or shut up.  Either address the issue or lock it down, but stop using up cycles fretting about it.  Decide on a course of action, make that who I am, and be myself, the end.

That's how I accomplish anything, really.  It's hard for me to be separate from my decisions.  I have to turn myself into a person who naturally does $thing, so that when I do $thing, it's an of-course thing to do.  So if I speak up, it's because I am a person who wants to make sure there are no interpersonal landmines, so of course I would speak up.  And if I lock down and keep it to myself, it's because I am a person who prefers to keep myself to myself (or I don't like making a fuss when it's needless, or whatever), so of course I wouldn't speak up.

(It goes down to minor things.  Do I buy coffee this morning, am I a person who appreciates daily creature comforts, or do I make coffee at the office, am I a person who enjoys frugality and likes the morning ritual of making coffee?  I frequently react in frustration to work calls, so I am a frustrated-by-calls person.  I've recently been making more public posts, due to not understanding who previous-me was.)

I don't choose actions, I choose potential selves, and they layer up on me and influence future decisions.

...

So, normalcy check.  This is how people function, right?  If you're fairly consistently yourself, then many decisions become moot, and one discovers their own self by compiling these selves and, I dunno, taking the average.  Being stuck between decisions is being stuck between selves, naturally.  Right?

How else do you know who you are?

--

Ages ago, I mentioned that I treat ordinary things as weird (to get reassurance that they're normal), and weird things as ordinary (because I'm nervous that they're not normal).  This is frequent, but in this instance, I honestly don't know how people make decisions or know who they are, so I figured I'd mention.

--

In the meantime, I appear to have become someone who prefers [that feeling of liking how an episode goes, how the characters shift and move] over getting to sleep on time.  Fie.

Why do I go to sleep late, knowing that I'll wake up with a headache and nausea?

Because I am a dolt, that's why.

Today has turned out to be a day, much like days tend to be, that being, units of time.

I've had a bad headache for most of it, because I fell into the trap of weekend sleep == sleeping in.  This is objectively incorrect.

But, I followed my list, and I am feeling better.  (Caffeine, water, food, shower, no music, painkiller, and sleep if I must.)  I like lists, sometimes.

Today, I'll be trying out cooking sausage and sprouts together.  I may make something on the side, but doubtful.  Fried in butter, because mmm.  Further input welcome, but I think I should do fine.

When I talked about wanting to not sleep in on the weekend, I didn't think I meant I wanted to get up at 5a.

Thanks, Jake.  You've provided me with the impetus to fix the bathroom door so it latches shut.