![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?
- Shantideva
I have things in my head again. But I think instead of fretting about them, I am going to follow my own advice: put up or shut up. Either address the issue or lock it down, but stop using up cycles fretting about it. Decide on a course of action, make that who I am, and be myself, the end.
That's how I accomplish anything, really. It's hard for me to be separate from my decisions. I have to turn myself into a person who naturally does $thing, so that when I do $thing, it's an of-course thing to do. So if I speak up, it's because I am a person who wants to make sure there are no interpersonal landmines, so of course I would speak up. And if I lock down and keep it to myself, it's because I am a person who prefers to keep myself to myself (or I don't like making a fuss when it's needless, or whatever), so of course I wouldn't speak up.
(It goes down to minor things. Do I buy coffee this morning, am I a person who appreciates daily creature comforts, or do I make coffee at the office, am I a person who enjoys frugality and likes the morning ritual of making coffee? I frequently react in frustration to work calls, so I am a frustrated-by-calls person. I've recently been making more public posts, due to not understanding who previous-me was.)
I don't choose actions, I choose potential selves, and they layer up on me and influence future decisions.
...
So, normalcy check. This is how people function, right? If you're fairly consistently yourself, then many decisions become moot, and one discovers their own self by compiling these selves and, I dunno, taking the average. Being stuck between decisions is being stuck between selves, naturally. Right?
How else do you know who you are?
--
Ages ago, I mentioned that I treat ordinary things as weird (to get reassurance that they're normal), and weird things as ordinary (because I'm nervous that they're not normal). This is frequent, but in this instance, I honestly don't know how people make decisions or know who they are, so I figured I'd mention.
--
In the meantime, I appear to have become someone who prefers [that feeling of liking how an episode goes, how the characters shift and move] over getting to sleep on time. Fie.
- Shantideva
I have things in my head again. But I think instead of fretting about them, I am going to follow my own advice: put up or shut up. Either address the issue or lock it down, but stop using up cycles fretting about it. Decide on a course of action, make that who I am, and be myself, the end.
That's how I accomplish anything, really. It's hard for me to be separate from my decisions. I have to turn myself into a person who naturally does $thing, so that when I do $thing, it's an of-course thing to do. So if I speak up, it's because I am a person who wants to make sure there are no interpersonal landmines, so of course I would speak up. And if I lock down and keep it to myself, it's because I am a person who prefers to keep myself to myself (or I don't like making a fuss when it's needless, or whatever), so of course I wouldn't speak up.
(It goes down to minor things. Do I buy coffee this morning, am I a person who appreciates daily creature comforts, or do I make coffee at the office, am I a person who enjoys frugality and likes the morning ritual of making coffee? I frequently react in frustration to work calls, so I am a frustrated-by-calls person. I've recently been making more public posts, due to not understanding who previous-me was.)
I don't choose actions, I choose potential selves, and they layer up on me and influence future decisions.
...
So, normalcy check. This is how people function, right? If you're fairly consistently yourself, then many decisions become moot, and one discovers their own self by compiling these selves and, I dunno, taking the average. Being stuck between decisions is being stuck between selves, naturally. Right?
How else do you know who you are?
--
Ages ago, I mentioned that I treat ordinary things as weird (to get reassurance that they're normal), and weird things as ordinary (because I'm nervous that they're not normal). This is frequent, but in this instance, I honestly don't know how people make decisions or know who they are, so I figured I'd mention.
--
In the meantime, I appear to have become someone who prefers [that feeling of liking how an episode goes, how the characters shift and move] over getting to sleep on time. Fie.
