Chris

Seems I posted this without taking out the top bit.

The other day, I went out to read at the bar.  Some guy came over and started chatting with me, and it was all cool -- he seemed interesting enough, and I was a little low in the extroversion department, no worries.  Plus, Star Trek nattering, w00t.

He had this flirting style, though, that involved being... too-quickly inclusive, I guess.  Or presumptuous?  Something.  A sample:

Dude: That wasn't nice.
Xtina: I'm not a nice person.
Dude: We'll have to work on that.
Xtina: ...what's this we bullshit?

He kept doing that "we" thing; the "bullshit" line of mine was after a few repeats of that.  Dear random dude: not charming at all.  In fact, bloody irritating.

Originally posted on Dreamwidth.  Number of comments so far:

It's a thought I can't well articulate, but it's been in my head for ages now.  It's this absurd idea that we're all human, under the gender veneer.  I'm not even being sarcastic about this– well, not at this point, at any rate.

It's really absurd, because aren't we all essentially our genders?  We're Male and Female and That Freakish Other, right?  And then we're people.  So I have this vague notion that we're people first, and our genders second.  Gender being a social construct, and all.

I sometimes think this, when I want to feel like a real human being – maybe I already am, and the gender comes later.

And then I am full of despair, because for serious, how many other people think this?

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Do you want a laugh?  Then go read articles written by David Zinczenko, he who writes about men, women, and relationships, directed at women.  Today's:

5 Ways to Keep Your Man From Straying

But we all know how the story goes after that: Time passes, and people slip into a spiral of unfaithful behavior that may start with a flirt, or a cup of coffee, or a drunken night at the hotel bar. Next thing you know: Poof – commitment disappears.

What the shitfuck is this tomfoolery?

"1. Circle the calendar."

This section is mildly useful, in the sense that it's a good idea to keep the relationship energised.  However:

In a way, it's just like managing employees; to keep them focused and determined, they have to feel like they're taking on new challenges and meeting new goals. If not, they're more likely to sneak around – and get their satisfaction elsewhere.

Those filthy feminists, treating men like employees at a company rather than equal partners in a relationshi–

OH WAIT.

"2. Plan Scrabble night."

This section covers spending quality time with your man.  Again, this is a good idea buried under crap:

One national survey showed that 54 percent of men want to spend more quality time with their wives – indicating that they're dying to have more shared experiences and a little less routine.

Then… why… then why don't they plan things?  Being men and all, shouldn't they be more proactive in these things?

Note: To be clear, I'm not trying to say "A man is _____".  I'm being snarky.  What I do think is that it's sad that people in relationships want more quality time and don't get it… and really fucking stupid that the oh-so-natural conclusion is that wifey is the one who should be providing it.

"3. Send him off on guy getaways."

There is no part of this section that is not horridly sexist.  Towards men.  But feminists…

"4. Protect his brain."

*blink*

Apparently, women in hetero/monog relationships should be managers at a company, event planners, and mothers.  Now, they should also be doctors.  I'm just trying to picture an interaction:

W: Okay Dave, I think we both know why I called you in here today.  It seems that you've been drinking on the job again.  Now, I understand that the stresses of being an adult are great, but I'm afraid that if you can't manage them better than this… well.  I've planned a four-day bonding trip for the two of us, followed by a mandatory vacation for you and your guy-friends only.  As your doctor, I highly recommend that you do not head-butt alcohol while on your vacation.  You may go.

"5. Give him a boost."

Every woman craves hearing how nice she looks, or how wonderful she is in bed, or how the earth slams to a halt whenever she walks into the room.

*twitch*

You know what I'd prefer to hear?  "Good point."  Or, "Hey, you did a good job!".  I'm guessing I'm not alone in this.

–

The saddest part of this article is that there are truths.  It is important to compliment your partner.  It's a great idea to make time for each other.  It's important to spend some time away from your partner, in that "We have separate lives" way.

But jesus fucking christ, c'mon.  "Here are ways your man could cheat on you if you don't do these things for him!"

Shorter answer to "How to keep your man from cheating": Don't date assholes.

–

At some point, I plan to write something on how feminists are the ones who totally hate men, it's not non-feminists at all, gosh.  I suspect it will be a day when I already want to kill someone.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Elsewhere, I found a link to The Gender Genie.  I plugged in the text of my most recent blog posts (only my text, not quoted text), which is precisely what happens when I'm waiting for data to be imported into SQL.

The results of copy-pasting all text that wasn't a quote or a bit of geek code or a bit of knitting instructions are:

Words: 4258
Female Score: 5411
Male Score: 6726
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

*snickersnort*

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.

Yesterday, I hit the library and picked up, among other books, Same Difference: How Gender Myths Are Hurting Our Relationships, Our Children, and Our Jobs by Rosalind Barnett and Caryl Rivers.  I'm interested in learning more about feminism, and I've got the current events angle covered (via blogs), so I wanted something more… bookish.

Look, I just woke up, okay?

Anyways.  I like that they don't go from "This is how the patriarchy hurts women" to "Come, let us demonise men".  They walk the line between demonising and apologising-for fairly well, so far.  (I'm only a few chapters in.)  While I am all about dismantling the huge power difference, I happen to think that men are human as well, and don't care for the extremist "All men are scum" view.

They also discuss the "Women aren't inferior, they're superior" idea, and explore just how much damage that's caused.  For example, if the assumption that women are less competitive and more caring is taken as truth, why promote them up the corporate ladder?  Carol Gilligan, the originator of that idea, didn't intend for such repercussions to repercuss as they did.  It's possible to trace that men:Mars::women:Venus claptrap back to that idea, for heaven's sake.  This is the unfortunateness of letting ideas run free in the wild, I suppose.

I hope the rest of the book is as good as what I've read so far.  If not, I have three other gender studies books, so that's okay.

Originally posted at Xtinian Thoughts.  Comment here or there.