(no subject)

[nonethefewer]

I made the mistake of reading the comments over at this Miss Manners post:

I enjoy having conversations with people. What I don't enjoy are the times when I am happily or seriously chatting away with someone only to have a random stranger sitting or standing nearby suddenly sticking themselves into my conversation, either answering a question directed at me or my companion, or else inserting their own opinions on our topic of discussion. I find it really insensitive and rude. I am not talking to them, so why do they feel like they should just butt in? How can I tell these people politely that I find their actions rude and insensitive without coming off as rude myself? Is there a polite way to tell them that they have no business in our conversation, or does the fact that my conversations are audible render them free-game for public comment?

A whole lot of the comments boil down to: Well, you went outside, didn't you?  You're trying to have a private conversation [note: not a phrase anywhere in the LW's query] out of doors!  Clearly you were just asking for it.

Bah.  I actually did two things that annoyed me very much:

1) I created an account on Boston.com.
2) I defended talkers.

I have annoyed myself.

But goddammit, sometimes I'm out having a pint and having a conversation with a friend -- not shootin' the shit with them, which is totally different in terms of body language -- and why, why, does everybody goddamn need to interject in our goddamn conversation?  Why can I not get out of the house, have some beers, and have a conversation, without everyone treating this like Make A Friend Day?

Blessedly, there's a bar up the street where I know no one, so I can go there and read my books and drink beer and listen to country in peace.

Originally posted on Dreamwidth.  Number of comments so far:

Comments

[ivy]

I have been such a talker. But I only interject if it's clear that it was not a private or personal conversation, and the people involved in it look like they'd be receptive to commentary from others. (That last is mostly a body language thing -- very open body language makes me think my opinion is more likely to be welcome. If they're closely clustered together and away from the world, I keep my comment to myself.)

Basically, it's a guess as to whether my input will make their day better or not. Sometimes I'm wrong. Once I had someone who was talking at bellowing volume the next cafe table over get upset that I commented, and go on loudly about how rude I was... while the entire cafe could hear every word of their whole conversation because they were so loud in the first place. Talking at a yell does not make me think their conversation was particularly private.

[bemused-leftist.livejournal.com]

I notice that over at the Globe post you have to be a registered user to "join the conversation." ;-/

Sounds like a regional thing to me. In some areas, anyone standing near the speakers (line at the Post Office etc) gets included, the speakers make room and you get equal eye contact time with the original speaker. If this is a frequent problem, I'd guess that the questioner had recently arrived in the area....

Btw, it's not Miss Manners, it's some sort of clone.